I let you go
by JaneIsles
Summary: She was the love of his life but he can't keep her forever and he has to let her go...HUDDY Oneshot! Reviews are welcome.


_**I let you go**_

In the beginning, she counted the days then months and in the end she stopped when she reached years. When Lisa Cuddy stopped counting, the start of her relationship with Gregory House was almost three years ago. Three years of joy, fun, love and of course troubles and arguments. How can you have a relationship with Gregory House without arguing? This is an impossible thing.

Everyone thinks that their relationship is a wonderful one, a love that already lasts so long that nothing could go wrong and Lisa should be happy, but she can't.

The first time, she was the luckiest woman on earth. She was in love with the most wonderful man she could think of, although she could never think about loving him years before, but she changed her mind, her feelings changed. She felt a deep love that filled her heart with every day that passed by and her heart beat a bit faster every time she heard his voice in the hospital, but she never admitted it. And one day, it stopped beating. The love that she kept inside her heart was replaced by guilt and sadness and also pain. She never wanted to tolerate it, never wanted her love to fade away, but she couldn't stop it and with the time, she stopped loving him. The feelings were distinguished slowly. The next months, it was nothing more than pain when she was around him. On the one hand, she wanted him, but she also couldn't keep him. She feels sad, because she's disappointed, guilty because she hurts him and lies to him. She hates herself, because she treats him like this, but she's afraid and the only thing she thinks about is not hurting him, although she would make it worse in the end.

She hates herself for the fact that she's not strong enough to bring it to an end and face the truth. She doesn't want to lose him, but she can't change it. And so, she sits inside her office and thinks about the biggest mistake she may have made. Two words that'll probably change both of their lives and she's more than sure that this will end up in a disaster.

In the moment where she agreed to marry him, she wasn't able to think and said what he would expect. What everyone would expect and so she said it:

„_I want"_

The look on his face brought tears in her eyes and she pretends that these are tears of luck, but actually she wants to cry, because she realized what she did and she still couldn't stop it.

Life goes on and she feels more miserable than ever and pretends to be the happy woman which costs her a lot of strength. In the nights, she cries herself to sleep, she feels terribly lonely and prays that he won't notice it.

There was just a short time left until their marriage and she has to think about the wonderful dress waiting for her at home and the people who're looking forward to it. Everyone does, except her, but she never showed it. Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't notice him coming in and automatically she puts up a smile when she sees him. The look on his face is serious.

„Hey," she says and stands up.

„I need to talk to you," he says in a calm but serious voice that doesn't sound good.

„Sure, go ahead," she says and leans on her desk, facing him.

„Are you happy?" he wants to know.

She expected a lot of things but not a question like this and so she looks a bit irritated.

„Yes... of course I am, why shouldn't I?"  
„Why do you lie to me?" he asks her, still calm and that's the thing that scares her the most. How could he be so calm? And suddenly, her heart starts pounding fast, he must know it. He knows something, but how the hell could he?

„I... I didn't..." she begins, but he interrupts her.

„I love you and you know that. You're the love of my life, but I'm losing you," he starts. „You're getting away from me more with every day and I can't keep you."

„But..." she wants to start with the need to justify herself, but he ignores that.

„You're not happy. I know you aren't. Do you think that I never notice that you're crying a lot of the time? I saw the look on your face when you agreed to marry me and I knew there is something wrong, but I didn't want to know it. I told myself that this is just a time and it'll be okay someday, but nothing changed and I knew I couldn't keep you anymore."

Now she can't say anything. He knows everything and the need of justifying is lost. She always wanted it to be over but this moment is harder than she imagined it to be.

„You won't be happy with the marriage and you'll never be happy with me," he says and pauses for a short moment.

„I let you go," he almost whispers and she looks up.

„What?" she asks unbelievable.  
„I let you go. You're now a free woman Lisa Cuddy," he leans forward and kisses her one last time. He'll never forget her warmth and the soft feeling of her lips touching his.

„You're free," he whispers again and turns around and all she hears is the door that shut behind him and with this moment, something inside of her changed. She tries to breathe and starts crying heavily, not exactly knowing why she's crying.

About the fact that she'll never hold him again? That she hurt him? Or that she's finally free? Her body suddenly feels so light, something fell from her and she couldn't help but cry.

„It's over" she thinks. „It's over..." and she's finally free. She's a free woman.


End file.
